Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
