I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
