I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
