I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
