I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh god the rape fog is back!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
