i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize