If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
