I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
