Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
