By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
