I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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