dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
