guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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