How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
