The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
