we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize