my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize