Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
