mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize