Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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