im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
4 words: hood of his car
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
