I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
