we made out on top of his cat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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