he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
