Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
