Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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