but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
