Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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