its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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