i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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