My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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