Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize