she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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