Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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