he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
