i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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