i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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