I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
