Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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