Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want to make out with him forever
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
