Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
