She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
