Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
