Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize