Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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