I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
