i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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