explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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