Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
