HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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