i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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