Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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