I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
