tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
4 words: hood of his car
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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