wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
