We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
