All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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