Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
