so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
