Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
