Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
40s are totally the cure
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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