why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
