is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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