I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
