I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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