first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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