It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Farmville is her only friend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize