If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
