Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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