OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
