Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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