Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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