I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
