I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
