your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
