So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
