I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
