Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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