JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
