wanna go halves on a baby?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
