My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
