yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
