update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
