Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
