Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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