I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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