Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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