Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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