That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
