everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize