Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
