made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize