Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
