Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
