Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
