Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
