69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
