ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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