Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
