just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
