I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mom said you looked used
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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