I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
