I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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