And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
