this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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